Reawaken Piety: Awaken My Heart Weeks 7-13

Welcome Back to my Merry Journey. The last 8 weeks I have been continuing the adventure through Awaken My Heart. It is getting very near the time where I will surpass, at least with my posts where i "left off" in 2021. These weeks really opened me to many things I had not even scratched the surface of. These weeks have also overlapped with weeks in my life in general which have been difficult for a myriad of reasons. Yet, my life has had much joys for other reasons. I will admit during these weeks I have been less consistent in at least praying the weekly prayer each day but I guess I can start again in Week 15 (which begins tomorrow) So let's kick things off with Week 7.

Week 7: Find Your Own Calcutta

This week's topic is serving others; it was about comparison and not feeling like you are 'doing enough' to follow the Lord, or that people like St. Mother Theresa are "somehow more obedient to the Lord". Yet Wilson Hussem highlights a quote in which St. Mother Theresa about finding those in need right where you are, finding your Calcutta without ever leaving your country. Wilson Hussem reflects on where her Calcutta is today and where it was in her past. The "Soul Exercises" ask the reader to reflect on the places where she has compared her journey to others, reflect on where her Calcutta currently is, and finally, take a birds-eye view and reflect on the Calcuttas present throughout her life. I will share my reflection on the last "soul exercise" here. I really only noted a few brief thoughts on my Calcuttas. What strikes me is the second and third Calcuttas I thought of reflect my desire to serve the youth and to serve the elderly. For service hours in high school, I spent many days at a nursing home called Westminister Village North. I acknowledge it was difficult at times to push the wheelchairs of the residents yet it was so worth the effort. Perhaps thsi is because as I reflected I loved seeing their smiles. This is a Calcutta which I deeply desire to return to serving the elderly no matter where it may be.

"It's God's call for each of us to find those most in need of love right before me"

Now for the prayer this week. It goes like this:

"Jesus, I get discouraged when I feel as if I don't 'do enough.' Awaken my heart to my Calcutta, where you are calling me to serve the lost, the lonely, the poor, and the needy right before me. Give me the courage to love them, as you do and the grace to serve exactly where you are calling me to serve whether that is in a disadvantaged country, or simply at home. Amen" (37).

What a beautiful prayer of desire and surrender. The humility of praying and admitting that sometimes ones feels as if she does not do enough is so vulnerable. Again the humility and trust to allow the Lord to "give the grace to serve exactly where [he] is calling [one] to server" now matter where that may be is so beautiful. I am still figuring this out for myself each day, but this week certainly gave me a roadmap of how to go about thinking about my journey in a new way. This leads to being able to proclaim the greatness of the Lord.

Week 8: Proclaim the Greatness of the Lord

Honesty time...I am often one who gets on negative loops. I am working hard to figure out how to break them. This very week calls out how it can be so easy to get lost in the negative feels as if nothing is going right. It also speaks of how gratitude can change all that. Often, the reason why I at least, find myself thinking that nothing in my life is going right is because my plans aren't playing out in reality. This week challenges the reader (and me) to think of all that you have to be grateful for and realize life is about being grateful even in the midst of struggle. The "Soul Exercises" this week asked the reader to reflect on where she was buying into the world's lie of needing more to be happy and why she believed this then also to start a gratitude list.

For the first "soul exercise" I had to be brutally honest with myself about where I am buying into the cultural lie of needing more. I did come up with money. Yes, I know money isn't everything and that often the more you have the more problem, perhaps you can have. Yet, for me the obsession with money is about not simply the accumulating of it, but the independence it gives or at least the illusion of independence it gives. Its illusion of independence can weigh heavily on me at times because of certain, potentially unchangeable, circumstances I find myself in. It seems like more money would make it all that much easier, but maybe it wouldn't because I'd still have to live within my means even if those means were more than before. Reflecting on my relationship with money shows me where I need to purify how I look at life, it's not about what you have, but who you are that matters.

"The Christian life isn't about getting everything we want or skating through life with no problems. It is about looking for God in the midst of it to say, 'I am grateful' instead of 'I want'"

The weekly prayer goes as follows:

"Jesus, you have done great things for me. Forgive me for all the times I've been bitterly ungrateful. Awaken my heart to celebrate all that you have done, all that you are done, all that you are doing, and all that you will do. Help me live a life that reflects my gratitude for who you are and who you will always be. I life my hands to you today and with my whole heart say, 'Thank You.' Amen" (43).

Such an awe inspiring prayer. It is like a modern todah prayer so beautiful. I really love that it asks for forgiveness of the times where one has been ungrateful because it recognizes the human side of desire, and the human side of want for control (i.e. the desire for immediate gratification). I also love how it speaks the truth that have God experience now change and just is. This truth helps it be easier though not necessarily easy to turn to him when one is afraid.

Week 9: Be Not Afraid

Fear can be crippling. I have had so many moments where fear takes control. This week asks to examine what in life the reader fears. In the reflection for this week, Wilson Hussem highlights the story of the calming of the storm; she writes " Jesus immediately commands the ocean to be still and then asks [the disciples] a pointed question: 'why are you afraid?'"(46-7). This is a question we may not always contemplate, yet it is an important one to consider. The "soul exercises" for the week center around imaginative prayer. Wilson Hussuem sets the scene of putting yourself in the boat with Jesus and hearing him ask you why are you afraid and other steps, then asking how Jesus being with you in the midst of the fear. This week for me it a little too personal to actually share my reflection on these prayer experiences. I will say there was more sharing of what I was afraid of more than why I was afraid for most of the week.

"When I operate out of fear, I am, in essence, telling the Lord that I don't believe him when he says he can be trusted in all things–when he says in Scripture that I may not understand his ways but his ways are good and trustworthy"

Now for the weekly prayer:

""Jesus, I trust and believe that you did not create me for a life of fear. Help me to be a woman who choose faith over fear in every facet of my life. Help me to let go of every one of my fears, knowing that as I stand before you, even in the midst of the storm, all will be well. I have nothing to fear because you are at my side, and you never leave. I surrender my fears to you and ask that you turn them into faith and trust. Amen." (50).

Yet another stunning prayer. Realizing the truth the Lord did not intend for anyone to live a life of fear is the first step towards courage. Yes, the fears may not disappear, but they are made so much easier to carry when one realizes as long as the Lord is there, "all will be well". It is a reminder that Christ is the most faithful, that God is the most faithful being in existence. Once fear is surrendered, it can be much easier to receive the healing touch of the Lord.

Week Week 10: Let Him Heal You

What a inspiring theme, realizing that God is a healer. One of the Lord's titles or aspects I have been drawn towards in recent years is Christ as the diving physician. Wilson Hussem zeroes in on how it can feel at times like the Lord has left us when we struggle. She challenges the reader this week though to go back to those times and ask where he was in that moment or season, as he was there even if you (or I) couldn't recognize it. For this week the soul exercises this week Wilson Hussem asks the reader to revisit and reframe those times she felt abandoned by God, go back there with him to see that she was not abandoned; then she also asks the reader to sit with the scene of the passion and reflect on what it brings up for her. I did the first for the most of the week and didn't realize number 2 until nearer to the end. I reflected on my experience of being bullied in seventh and eighth grade by someone who was integrated into my friend group though I wouldn't consider this person a friend. I can't say I recall exactly what the Lord said to me which probably means I wasn't listening closely enough. Yet, even so, this was perhaps an unexpected place for me to be led as though I know it's part of my story, I would say it's a place I have largely healed, but perhaps this was a call to deeper healing since this was so long ago. I am always open or I'd like to think I always open to deeper healing. So perhaps, I need to ask again where he was in this. It's prayer time.

"In your darkest moments of suffering, God was there with you, too"

This weeks prayer goes like this:

"Jesus, I know you never abandon me, but there are times when it has truly felt as if you have. I invite you and give you permission to take me back to those moments of my life when i felt like you were not there with me. Reveal to me your presence iin those moments, in that season. Show me your face in the midst of my past and current sufferings. Awaken my heart to see that. you knew the pain of feeling forgotten and abandoned, that you understand and have compassion for my feelings of desertion and sorrow. Amen"(55-6)

Just as in Week 7 this is a true surrender prayer. It echoes the truth shown in the Week 9 of the Lord being faithful. It is scary to revisit times and seasons we felt abandoned by God, so it is an act of faith and surrender to say to him "I did not see you at the time Lord, but I know you were present show me how and where you were." It is a very hope filled prayer which even asks him to show where he remains in the current suffering in life. It invites Jesus to be divine physician, a role he so desires to play in our lives. In letting Christ heal us, it may be found why the suffering and the feelings of abandonment, even in the smallest suffering, have meaning.

Week 11: Make It Meaningful

This week begins with Wilson Hussem reflecting on monotony. She shares how she once experience of feeling the holy encourage her to turn moments of monotony of her own day into prayer. She shares how a conversation with a friend which caused her to reframe how she approaches moments of monotony in her own day. From both of these moments it appears, she began to turn these moments of monotony into times of prayer by "inviting [Jesus] into my chores" (59).So this is what she encourages the reader to do as well, find those tedious tasks in her day and turn them into times to pray. The "Soul exercises" ask the reader to reflect on what are some daily to-dos she has and to "identify at least two areas of your life where you can make your work a prayer" (60) and contemplate who you may pray for during these times. This week is another where I was not so great at remembering doing the "soul exercise", yet when I did remember I did notice it made the work easier somehow as I wasn't so caught up in how hard it was or how aggravating it may become but there was a greater purpose to even doing the daily tasks at my job. Now, on to the prayer for this week.

"All of a sudden, we do have time to pray even in the midst of the hectic to-do lists and terribly busy schedule because we make those tasks moments of connection with the Lord"

The prayer for this weeks goes like this:

"Jesus, there are many moments of monotony in my life. I don't want to wish my days away, dreaming of a more exciting or fanciful life mindlessly checking boxes on my to-do list. Awaken my heart to these moments of my everyday schedule, these moments of fulfilling my vocation, these moments that seem to mean nothing. Help me turn them into sacred moments to connect with you throughout my day. Amen" (60)

What a beautiful realization that one doesn't want to "wish my days away, dreaming of a more exciting or fanciful life" (60). This reflects a thread that has gone through out these weeks: comparison. Why is it so easy to believe we aren't doing enough? Comparison. Why is it hard to praise God amidst struggle? Comparison. Yet this one line reflects a desire to live in the freedom of the present moment and God's love. I love the offering of "[turning] them [moments of my everyday schedule...of fulfilling my vocation...that seem to mean nothing] into sacred moments to connect with you throughout my day" (60). Such an honest desire, and offering from the heart, which the Lord will certainly accept and make fruitful. In finding meaning in the ordinary, it may lead to realize just how much negativity can abound.

Week 12: Silence the Self-Loathing

Remember, week 8 where I mentioned I have a tendency toward negativity. While that is certainly true in regard to how hard I am on myself day to day in life. So this week was a difficult one for me, as it was in 2021. Wilson Hussems shows great intuition in starting off the reflection by asking the reader to "imagine an artist, working for forty weeks, day and night, on a project has thought about for a very long time" then to "imagine...even many years down the road after the work has been completed. someone says to the artist: 'Wow, what an ugly work you made there. It's hideous! What were you thinking?'" (62). This thought experiment brings out the truth, if one places God in the scenario as the artist, and any human as the work, that when one speaks poorly of themselves it hurts the heart of God. The "Soul Exercises" ask the reader to more deeply on how she speaks of herself and if she'd let someone else speak about themselves that way and then asks her to write a letter, or more accurately, allow God to write a letter to her about who she is and what her mission is. Writing this letter was yet another step in the longer journey of healing in my life, and is a key thing in the season of healing I am in. For me, the letter mostly focused on identity which perhaps shouldn't be surprising since it's a theme and a concept I'm praying through during Lent 2025. I guess the prayer this weeks speaks deeply to identity as well.

"It is difficult work to choose to learn to lean into the voice of God, the voice of love, the voice that say you are made good and beautiful, but is it work that must be done"

The prayer this week goes like this:

"Jesus, I know you did not create me to spend a lifetime putting myself down. Give me the grace to be a woman who is confident, humble, graceful, and strong. I want to speak words of life to others, and I want to speak words of life to myself. Each time I am tempted to insult who you made me to be, help me to choose positivity and kindness instead. You make only good and beautiful things. Thank you for creating me as one of them. Amen" (65). The adjectives used in the second line "confident, humble, graceful, and strong" are such inspiring things to desire to be. These words have complexity as often the world can take words like "confident" and make them seem like you should never care about what others think; but in the eyes of God, they mean so much more, because they come from a fierce trust and a deep surrender to his will. The last part of the fourth line "help me to choose positivity and kindness instead" speaks to me. A high school classmate embraced kindness in a radical way, her social media taglines encouraged the spreading of kindness; unfortunately, ten years ago this December, this beautiful, tragically and suddenly lost her life at 15, to meningitis, but her embracing of kindness stick with me, cause it was extended to me at each chance she had to give it. Her kindness to me and to others, and her promotion of kindness, spoke volumes about the love contained in her heart; it is often said that actions speak louder than words, and her actions spoke love.

Week 13: Speak Love

It seems fitting the Wilson Hussem continues the journey of awakening one's heart by highlighting the words said about others. She presents the reader with a very intriguing image that of her (the reader) standing in a room with Jesus, at the end of her life, surrounded by neon signs of the things she said about others red being negative, and green positive. Then she talks about the topic of gossip. It is much easier to gossip than one may think as at least for me, I can often just dismiss it as venting, getting something off my chest, without considering the intention behind the words. Also, as I often speak negatively about myself, it can be all too easy to speak more negative than positive words about others. I desire to change this, not to the point I ignore legitimate complaints and problems, but to where even in addressing legitimate issues I love my neighbor rightly, encouraging them toward growth, while recognizing it's human to struggle, to fall, to make mistakes. The "Soul Exercises" asked the reader to engage in prayer in that image spoken of at the beginning of the reflection, to reflect on a time in which she was effected by gossip about herself, and to reflect on what has come up in prayer where she may need to seek reconciliation, to apologize if it can be done. This week's prayers beautifully reflects this posture of desiring to speak well of others.

"When my words about another don't honer that person, they do not honor God".

"Jesus, I want to spend my life speaking words of life and love to and about others. I want to be able to stand with you in that room with looking at green walls and I know I need to make some changes for that to happen. Help me to overcome my insecurities and tendency to compare. Awaken my heart to see each person as brother and sister in Christ so that I may lift them up in every word I speak. Amen" (70).

What radical humility or maybe not so radical, to realize that in order to have green walls before Jesus and yourself, one needs to make changes. Of course, this will take time, habits don't change over night; but recognizing the need to change is the first step to truly changing. The radical trust in the Lord that he will help you see "each person as brother and sister in Christ" is inspiring. It recognizes that each person is a gift to be received not an object to be used (thanks St. JPII for the phrasing I just used). In recognizing Christ in others we can more easily show them mercy, but yet sometimes the hardest person to see Christ in, to show mercy to is ourselves (but this well be covered in next time).

Well that wraps up my reflections on Awaken My Heart. This has been a succession of harder weeks per se, but awakening a heart was not supposed to be easy. Come back soon to see the next step in my Merry journey (and stay tuned for the next installment in the saga of the reawakening of my heart).