Reawaken Gentleness: Awaken My Heart Weeks 14-18

Week 14: Have Mercy on Yourself

This week, just as in 2021, is one of the most difficult weeks for me. I'm definitely one of those who is the epitome of your worst enemy is yourself. Though now with therapy, I realize this tendency comes from multiple parts (if you want more information on this particular language look up Internal Family Systems), it's hard still to be easier on myself. Even now some of those things I forgave myself for in 2021, need to be reaffirmed. This time around though some things have radically changed. Reading this in 2025, and seeing the story of how Wilson Hussem wrote a letter to herself forgiving herself for the events of a particular relationship that lasted too long, resonates with me so much more as I have a similar story in my journey now So prior to writing the 2025 version of the forgiveness, I dove into prayer asking the Lord what I needed to forgive myself for- a suggestion and encouragement Wilson Hussem gives the reader- even if they are things I spoke of in the 2021 letter. This week's prayer is a shorter one but still packs a punch so let's get to it.

"How easy it can be to forgive others, to allow them to give us—but how easy it is too, to berate ourselves for the mistakes we have made, to even go so far at hate ourselves for the messes we have create or the pain we have caused"

"Jesus, show me how I have been unable to forgive myself. Show me how I resent myself for things I did or wish I had done. You have asked me to forgive seventy-times seven times—please give me the courage to extent that forgiveness to myself and live in the freedom you have created me for. Amen" (75).

What a humble and beautiful offering to the Lord to ask him to show you where unforgiveness lies in oneself towards oneself. It really echoes the the theme of Week 10 where one lets Jesus heal by helping one forgive themselves. The realization that it takes courage to forgive oneself is sobering; this truth echoes the Golden Rule loving others as you love yourself. Though it is also true you should not overly focus on yourself, there is so much truth in seeing certain tendencies in yourself toward yourself may make it harder to do the same to others. Though perhaps, paradoxically, if you may find it easier, in this one instance to do to others what you find almost impossible to do to yourself. So a bestowal of courage is necessary, and will lead to freedom, because forgiveness always releases a burden. This is something I need to remind myself of, for if forgiveness is freedom then I need to allow that freedom to reign. So I can go bravely and live the mission my God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit has for me.

Week 15: Go Bravely

This week coincided with a very anxiety-inducing situation in my life. Even though I had known this situation was going to happen the circumstance caused much worry, and I will honestly say it was difficult not to let my thoughts spiral and to surrender the situation to the Lord, though I did several times, inside and outside of Mass or adoration. However, this situation, a medical procedure to answer some prevailing questions about physical pain, in so many ways reaffirmed what was contained in the "letter from God" written in week 12, but through others who supported me through their words and often actions, often providing a listening ear as I was lost in the weeds of so many facets of this situation. Even so, it was such a fruitful week. No, I did not end up resuming the practice of saying the weekly prayer daily, but this upcoming weeks is another chance to reimplement that practice.

This week Wilson Hussem recalls the memory of going to the beach with her husband, and witnessing a group of wheelchair bound individuals learning to surf, and particularly one member whose determination reminded her that "Yes, I can" even when others–even yourself– says "I/you can't". The "Soul Exercises" asked the reader to reflect where she was "buying into the cultural lie "I can't" and to approach difficult situations with the verse "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13). While I wasn't that good at doing the second one, I did truly reflect on the first "soul exercise". Looking back at 2021, my "I can't" lie was of a different kind. In 2021, it more related to career and being able to live out my faith in the workplace which as the swan song of college was on the horizon makes sense. Now that chapter is over, it would make sense that in 2025, that lie reflects more a desire for the independence of adulthood or rather what this independence should look like. It tells me that independence to some degree does matter, even if I do resonate deeply with truth that each is made for community.

"Perhaps there is something in your life that you are struggling to believe that you can d—perhaps the words 'I can't' are lading he charge in your everyday life or in a specific situation."

This week's prayer goes as such:

"Jesus, there are so many days when I struggle to believe I can do all things through you. I feel defeated as I depend on myself rather than you. I get discouraged by my lack of progress and feel like bowing to the lie that 'I can't.' Give me the grace to live Philippians 4:13 with my whole heart–to speak it out loud in moments of defeat or discouragement and in times of desperation and struggle . Give me the courage to proclaim the truth out loud, the truth that remain forever, that I can do all things through you who strengthens me. Amen".

Yet, another beautiful prayer. So honest that there is a "struggle to believe I can do all things through him". I have myself a great struggle with this very thing. Personal histories certainly affect this ability to depend on Christ in all things, yet what a heartfelt offering to the Lord for "the grace to live Philippians 4:13" especially in times of defeat, discouragement, desperation, and struggle. This grace could spur on to take a step outside themselves and go to serve the poor.

Week 16: Love the Poor

This week Wilson Hussem reflected love of the poor. She highlighted her experience living in LA and seeing the many hundreds perhaps even thousands of homeless people. She particularly reflected on an interaction with a homeless man whose name she directly asked for. She encouraged the reader to consider ways in which the reader could serve the poor this week. The "Soul Exercise" were to do on concrete thing this week to serve the poor and to reflect on an experience with the poor which really affected you. The first one I failed at only realizing it near the end of the week and not really taking enough action to actually follow through. The second one I reflected on an experience of seeing a fellow member of the Franciscan University community generously give food to a man whom was sitting on the sidewalk while I was walking with a group of Franciscan students and alumni to a lunch Franciscan generously paid for during the National Eucharistic Congress. This particular encounter made me truly recognize the humanity of all those on the streets on my own city (though I will admit sometimes safety does play a role in service, which can at times be a sad reality). Now on to the prayer for this week.

'Let us love the poor this week in a profound outpouring of the love of Jesus Christ"

"Jesus, you have a deep love for the poor. Help me to have the same love. Shape me into a woman who gives food to the hungry, clothes to the naked, and drink to the thirsty. Awaken my heart to see the humanity of the poor and to share in that humanity whenever I can As I extend my hand to the poor , help them see not my hand, but yours. Amen."

Though it only mentions three of the corporal works of mercy, this prayer expresses a beautiful sacrifice, the sacrifice of humility, recognizing that practicing these works may not come naturally. It can be so easy to judge the poor, wonder why a certain person is living on the streets, yet this can certainly make it easy to forget the humanity of the poor. It is beautiful to ask that the poor see Jesus not oneself when served as he (Jesus) is hopefully the motivating force for serving the poor. Realizing that it is Jesus working through you rather than yourself changes the whole entire perspective of enacting the Corporal Works of Mercy and maybe even things other than those.

Week 17: Shift Your Perspective

I had an interesting start 2025 as I felt a call on my heart to completely delete all my social media accounts. While knowing if I ever chose to reestablish them it would be from scratch, I do see how this gave me a new perspective on things. It is so eye opening to realize how much complaining can flow from social media. Even so complaining can still come more easily than I'd like to admit. Which is why this week focusing on perspective was so necessary for me. To be honest I wasn't really that good at fasting from complaining as I could have been. I did not well to pause and ask why I was sharing this or that piece of information but even so that still gives me perspective, the perspective that I still have much growing to do in this area. Wilson Hussem brilliantly points out how the saints approached suffering and how they kept their eyes heavenward. The "Soul Exercise" was to fast from complaining and I kind of already revealed how I did. Though, I may have "failed" at this week, it reminds me that a habit doesn't change overnight. So let's now look at the prayer for this week.

"When we step into perspective, we step into awakening" (88).

The prayer this week goes as follows:

"Jesus please grant me perspective in all things. Sometimes I complain about the most trivial things. Help me leave behind my complaints and live with deep faith and wisdom. Awaken my heart to the beauty and goodness in my life, and show me how life's obstacles and crosses can be offered up to you, for my good and for your glory. Amen. (90).

How beautiful to ask for the gift of perspective. Now, of course, this is not to say there are time where you must acknowledge your own suffering and even ask for support in it. Yet, so many situations it only takes a change in perspective for negativity to disappear. The last line does give a reminder to always go to the cross, not because it will take the suffering away, but because it give the ultimate, eternal perspective. Sometimes the this perspective taking can lead to realize where one places his or her worth, God or something else.

Week 18: Find Your Worth in God

Where do you find your worth? Such a revealing question. Wilson Hussem shares an experience of finding herself endlessly going back to check engagement on a social media post of hers. Realizing she was trying to find her worth and it pushed her to pray a prayer to truly root her worth in God. She encourages the reader to reflect on where the reader is placing her worth. The "Soul Exercises" build off each other which practically becomes a guided meditation. It first begins with picturing oneself at the foot of the cross and thinking of wha you seek validation. Then you lay down all these at the foot of the cross. lastly, she says to pray."May this be the one and only place I search for my worth and security for the rest of my life (95). Now let's get into the prayer for this week.

"When you are desperate to be thought of by someone, anyone, look to the Cross and see that the Lord thought of you there and has been thinking of you since the beginning of time(92)."

"Loving Jesus, show me the places in my life where I am acting out of desperation. Instead of speaking and acting from a place of insecurity, help me to calm my heart and trust in you. Be with me in my every choice, and give me confidence in your love. Help me find my worth in you and you alone. Amen. (95)".

This prayer stands out for it begins with the word "Loving". What importance it takes to express the truth that Jesus', God's identity is love. It is so humbling to admit in many ways we need to not be anxious and to trust in God or that you need help in finding your worth in God. This of course, is probably a life-long journey, a life-long transformation. I'm not sure where I am on this journey, but I'm excited to see where it goes.

Well, that is all for now. Come back soon to see the next chapter (per se) of my merry journey.