Reawaken Fear of God: Awaken My Heart Weeks 32-36

Welcome back to the reawakening of my heart. These five weeks contained in this reflection encapsulate the idea of appreciating the gifts God has for us (at least in a way). It begins with flowers and ends with limits. So let's dive in.

Week 32: Notice the Blooms

One of my favorite parts of spring and summer are the flowers, so this week would seem completely aligned with my preferences, but well, you'll see. Wilson Hussem reflects on the beauty of flowers and shared some stories about how her husband loves getting her orchids or that her son would point out flowers on their walks. These simple stories highlight the importance of appreciating the small things and the role of nature in our lives. The soul exercises were to bring someone a bouquet of flowers this week and to also notice the flowers around when you are outside walking. I really didn't do that great at either one. Though this week was another one which was a practice in humility for me in that sometimes you have to reexamine your priorities. This may open up a way to discover claim legacies you have been left by others in your life.

Week 33: Claim a Legacy of Love

A popular topic of conversation surrounds the type of legacy one desires to leave others. This week talks about the legacy of love from others. Wilson Hussem reflects on the influence of three women in her life: her nana, and two of her mentors; she shared exactly the lessons she learned from each of these women. It also recognizes that it is completely normal to miss and even, good to miss those who are loved and lost. This week I ended up realizing I haven't lost that many people in my life. Yet, it was so amazing to truly stop and appreciate all the lessons I may not even realized I had learned from those individuals in my life that I had to say goodbye to. In a way it was the perfect way to prepare to find rest in Christ.

Week 34: Rest Close to His Heart

While there have been other weeks in this devotional which integrated humility in some aspect, this week is specifically dedicated to humility. Wilson Hussem begins this weeks reflection speaking of St. Faustina and particularly highlighting a line in the writings of St Faustina where the Lord says to St. Faustina "My daughter rest close to my heart. Known to me are your efforts". She reflects on how the knowledge of your efforts being known by God doesn't alway "cut it' in human terms. She links humility with the ability to accept that "al that matters" is that God sees the efforts one makes in life. It is encouraged to sit with the line from Faustina's diary if one recognizes a "desire to be recognized for what you do". The soul exercises asked the reader to reflect on how she could practice humility in her life and how she could let the words of Christ to St. Faustina comfort her, and then also to pick a one of four lines from the Litany of Humility to reflect one. I believe I chose the line "that others may be praised and I go unnoticed, Jesus grand me the grace to desire it" This can be an incredibly frightening prayer to pray for me as many times in my life I have felt invisible or isolated. Yet, it is very important for me to remember that sometimes acclaim or praise doesn't have the effect I would presume it to have and can unintentionally exacerbate my scrupulosity or lead to arrogance to some degree. Though in the practice of humility, I recognize it is also of great importance to imbue the maxim of C.S. Lewis that "humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself" and realizing yes, it is understandable, to an extent, to be concerned with the perception of others, but at some point the worry comes from a place of control, not humility. One such way to think of others more is to think of the blessing each and every friend which God has allowed to enter into one's life.

Week 35: Thank God for Good Friends

Though I am completely open to God leading me to my vocation, I cannot deny that I am one of those women who as a young girl, and even beyond childhood and the teenage years, has "planned" her wedding. Sometimes in my head, and sometimes on paper, I had a running list of those who would be bridesmaids at my wedding. While my sisters and a few of my cousins continue to be constant considerations, through the years the friends I wast to have in my wedding have changed as relationship have come and gone. This week Wilson Hussem reflected on the gift of authentic friendship. I so appreciated how she highlight many times quality trumps quantity in this area. I am not the most extroverted individual so quantity can sometimes be a struggle. Yet, the Lord has allowed in many ways the quality of some relationship to so eclipse the quantity of friends I have that the ache for quantity, though there, is less. This week the soul excercise was to write a list of friends, past or present, and write things you appreciate(d) about them. I may have been referencing female friends in the introduction to this week, but I also did end up writing down the names of male friends I've had over the years. I will say at times I struggled to write down unique things for each person. Yet, there is a beauty in that because those qualities I could see in multiple friends often denoted a high level of character, which should attract me to them. In thanking God for these people, I learned, again, to be thankful for the past and present and maybe even hope for the future. The loss of a friendship can be so disheartening, but then comes the choice to say no to dwelling on the pain so much that it consumes, it is to have emotional boundaries with the past. The weight of no can sometimes be hard to handle, but it can be harder at times to be the one to level that weight, of sorts, on other people.

Week 36: Say No!

In the last year, I discovered a new musical artist, Katy Nichole, on Spotify. She recently came out with her newest album which was called Honest Conversations. I absolutely love each song on the album, yet one line in the song "Who Am I?" gut punched me; this line was "You're captive to the people you've spent your whole life pleasin'" . Wow! I am a chronic, in some degree, people pleaser, so, this line spoke volumes to me especially as I have tried to learn to say no. Wilson Hussem talks about this exact practice of saying no in this next week. Sometimes it can be really hard to admit that I try to make people happy at the expense of my own happiness. I can have such a hard saying the little word "no". I did not have many opportunities to say "no" this week, but perhaps it was more important for me to reflect on the people pleasing and the application of Jesus' own of example of saying no (Wilson Hussem uses Lk 4:43 as an example) in order to put the principles into practice going forward. All in all, this and the previous four weeks were weeks that I found difficult in different ways, but were immensely fruitful in ways I don't fully know (even if I know some of the fruits already).

If these weeks taught me anything, they taught me to look more at the big picture, to remember why I have such a desire to be out in nature and so many other things. I was able to look at the legacies I wish to continue and humility in a renewed light. I was able to realize that my ache for friends has been fulfilled even it to some degree it remains (maybe an after effect of the consumer mentality so common today). Finally, I was able to be reminded "no" is not a dirty word and to more deeply acknowledge my continuing struggle with people pleasing. This journey so far of reawakening my heart has not be straight per se, but it has been worth it. Come back soon for to see where my merry journey takes me next and stay tuned for more in the reawakening of my heart.